Hiding Pain? Open Some Of Your Authentic Heart Here (This Is What Happens When They HAVE To Love You!)
Ready to get unburdened a bit more, friend?
Previously, I talked about mourning with the group.
I also talked about coyotes, but let’s face it, we all know I just made that stuff up. You should never trust things you read on the internet, anyway! Except you should entirely and wholeheartedly trust everything in this newsletter - Of course!
So, I spoke to my friend this week about her experiences mourning together in the community.
The only problem is that she sometimes reads this newsletter, so if I talked about what she said, I would have to tell the truth. I’ll stick to my own experience instead. So last week, I was a blathering mess at church.
This situation was a TINY bit embarrassing, even for me, but the cool thing is that I didn’t have to stop the flow of tears purposefully.
Imagine you’re in a room, and the God of the universe (who exists) commands everyone to love you. And they try their best to obey God (in our pathetic, limited, human way). That’s what church is supposed to be like, actually. We can bring whatever emotion is tagging behind us, and we don’t have to hide it. Sometimes, we may need to cry, and that’s okay.
Sometimes, just sensing the presence of God in communal worship is what starts the tears. And when we finally open our hearts to God and allow one disappointment to surface, don’t you find that a geyser opens up within us sometimes? There is a lot of other stuff that probably should also be released.
Letting some of that stuff emerge is healing.
That’s the irony. There is an opportunity for healing to occur if we can stop holding it together for a few minutes, stop sucking in our guts, and stop pretending our real-life matches our online persona. (I’m not as neurotic and whiny in person as I seem online, of course!)
I accidentally caught his eye -the guy at church I don’t know super well.
But his empathetic look towards me, of genuine empathy, even as he tried to hide his gaze, was enough to open up the cracks on some more layers of disappointment that needed to be released.
Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time.
Sometimes, what comes out, weaved into the tapestry of stuff that has wounded our hearts over the years, is bitterness and disappointment towards God.
He is standing there, ready with a towel to dry off all the tears soaking you. He already knows how you feel. He is so happy you’re finally bringing who you are and letting Him comfort you.
You can rest in his arms now, like a child sitting on their mother’s lap, clinging to her and receiving comfort somehow.
It's going to be okay, little one, He whispers to your ear.
I’ve got you now.
And so, where can we open up our authentic heart? We can do this in a relatively* healthy church. Maybe don't tell EVERYONE everything out loud right away, because there are many crazies on the internet and EVEN in church!*
But you can be you and maybe try opening up a little to one person that your heart senses you can possibly trust.
For sure, however, you can let God see the depth that hasn't been opened up to the outside for a while. He hears and understands the emotions that we offer him especially the thoughts without words. A little fresh air into your heart will make it feel better, so you will feel much better, too, friend.
As you listen quietly to the song below, may you open your heart to God and find comfort, dear one.
Footnotes
*No church is perfectly healthy. People who AREN'T EVEN COOL go there, too, remember?
Photo credits - Heart shaped neon sign by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash, Geyser by Hannah Wright on Unsplash